If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize