The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
