I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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