it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
