defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
50% drunk capacity currently
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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