As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
