the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
