Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
