I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
