You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
