So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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