I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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