i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
zippers are such a cool invention
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
