this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
