I bet he comes in French.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
