'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
