"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
