He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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