you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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