Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
