I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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