Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
