so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
