If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
