She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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