Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
