i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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