It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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