My friends, they love my intelligence
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
