Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Drunk is a universal language darling
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
