Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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