Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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