I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I have aggressive nipples.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
