Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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