Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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