This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
