Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
