i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
