Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
