He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
