I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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