i just made my gag reflex go away.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
