My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
