I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
