just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
