its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
