dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
