Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize