these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
