do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
