He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
