i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
