So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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