New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
