I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
