grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
