forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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