...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
