Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
