tell your sister to shave her snatch
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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