Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My underwear smells like fireworks.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
