You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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