I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
