Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize