He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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