okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
