and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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