Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
