he shaved USA in his pubs
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
