omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
