Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
