I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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