A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
