So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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