I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
