So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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