alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
