Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
