The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Porn is love you can see.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
