Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
