There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
