so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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