I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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