I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
