i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
