Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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