He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
