i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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