She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
