Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
